Leg-driving craze hits WNC
Futuristic rubber/fiber blends being explored in 'foot-shoe' experiments
A foot-shoeing instructor teaches the technique to one local young woman.
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WEST ASHEVILLE, MONDAY - A handful of Asheville residents, unable or unwilling to pay more at the pump, are turning to a newly developed, alternative mode of transportation that a growing number of believers nationwide are calling "foot-shoeing" or "legdriving."
The revolutionary principle involves the temporary attachment of "foot tires" to the end of one's legs and then manipulating one's body into sustainable, lowspeed self-propulsion.
While some are embracing this new and rapidly advancing personal- mobility technology, others have their doubts about the staying power of the foot-shoe fad.
"Where do you put the gasoline?" asked one doubter at a South Asheville gas station as he topped off his SUV. "Tell me, can you foot-shoe and sit down at the same time?"
Some children, encouraged by their wellmeaning, environmentally conscious parents, have hurt themselves trying to footshoe around, especially after making the hazardous decision to foot-shoe off the specially designed leg-driving paths and onto unpaved and dangerously grassy surfaces.
However, some converts are making the claim that it is possible to safely foot-shoe in your own home without even actually wearing the specially designed foot shoes. The scientific community is skeptical, though.
"Humans are called bipeds for a reason," said UNC-Asheville anatomy professor John Stapleton. "Over time, early humans developed two feet - hence, 'bi-' - with which they could operate vehicle pedals, or, in scientific jargon, 'peds.'"
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Stapleton goes on to say that a day will come when the human foot will evolve to be perfectly flat, "eliminating the confounding arch in the bottom of the foot, which does not completely conform to the flat vehicle accelerator."
Despite early advances in foot-shoeing experiments, some Asheville residents are complaining that the money saved by the leg-driving foot-shoers is coming out of the taxpayers' pocket.
"Suddenly, they need their own little roads, their own little traffic signals," said one Asheville woman. "If it's so safe, why are they putting up signs everywhere telling me to look out for these foot-shoers?"
Local soccer team seeks therapy as winless season continues
One of the All-Stars is sent flying through the air after a player for Greenman United drills him in the sternum with the ball.
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ASHEVILLE, TUESDAY - After starting the season 0-9 in the men's over-30 B league, the All- Stars soccer team may need to reinvent itself or start making moves as the trade deadline approaches, with the playoffs only a few weeks down the road.
"I'm pretty sure we set the bar a tad too high with the name 'All-Stars,' but it was catchy and original," said co-captain Chris Sinclair. "In hindsight, we would have been better off calling ourselves 'No-Stars' or maybe 'Agony of da Feet' to avoid the shame and low self-esteem of not living up to the sacred All-Stars moniker."
The squad has recently hired a team psychologist to counsel players with post-traumatic stress disorder following a nail-biting 3-0 loss to Greenman United on Sunday. With the latest loss, the All-Stars have allowed 48 goals and only scored 6, a league record in several different leagues.
"Truthfully, I just signed up to play because I thought Greenman would be supplying free ale during and after all the matches," said Sinclair. "They did bring a surprisingly stout honey-blond, but I was so busy back-pedaling all afternoon, I never got to make eyes with her."
