Working... For a Living!
tips on job interviewing
Job interviews can be very stressful events in a person's life. Even the slightest of mistakes may make the difference between landing that dream job or dying poor and alone in your mother's basement. But don't worry, I've collected some tips and advice to help you prepare for a flawless performance in that all too important interview.
1. Don't be afraid to flash a little beaver. We've all seen Sharon Stone in that famous scene, and I tell you, nothing impresses an interviewer more than a nice beaver shot.
2. Answer each question with a personal question for the interviewer. So, if they ask, "Why do you want to work here?" you should respond by asking, "How often do you and your wife have sex?" This is just an example, but people are impressed when you show interest in their lives.
3. Point out the interviewer's weaknesses and discuss how you are more qualified than her to do her job. You'll show initiative and that really impresses interviewers.
4. If you don't have the skills, lie. By the time your boss finds out, you can already have him or a fellow employee entrapped by a sexual harassment suit.
5. If you know who your competition is, arrange for an "accident." More jobs than you would guess are gained by the unfortunate murders of other people.
6. Tell your potential boss, "I will kill for you." It shows you're a go-getter.
7. Make sure they know you're paying attention by staring intently into their eyes, never blinking and never looking away. That fraction of a second of losing sight of your interviewer may make them think you're not listening.
I call these the Seven Core Principals: Beaver, Personal, Weakness, Lie, Hurt, Kill, Stare. You can remember them by the letters BPWLHKS. Practice these and nothing can stop you from success. Good Luck!
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